The Death of Naruto Uzumaki
by acromatic princess
Summary: So, Naruto dyed Sasuke's hair pink and now Sasuke's going to kill him. Oh, and somewhere in there Sasuke and Sakura are going on a date. Kind of. /SasuSaku/ AU.
1. Hey Now

Title: The Death of Naruto Uzumaki

Author: acromatic princess

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Summary: So, Naruto dyed Sasuke's hair pink and now Sasuke's going to kill him. Oh, and somewhere in there Sasuke and Sakura are going on a date. Kind of.

Setting: AU. Modern world! Told through emails, blog entries, text messages…you get my drift.

Notes: Yeah, so this one is kind of random. I was reading Sakura and Itachi Sitting in a Tree by runwitskizzers and I was like, "This is a good story. I want to write a story like this" but of course I couldn't, because that would be stealing someone else's idea.

So I started writing this, not really sure where I was going with it, and this is how it turned out. I hope you like it!

* * *

To: thebestninja

From: Pink_IsBadAss

Subject: You are an idiot

He's going to kill you, you know that, right?

So is the entire female population of Konoha High.

In fact, now that I think about it, _I'm_ going to kill you.

How could you do that? You know how Sasuke feels about his hair. I mean, I love him of course (and I mean that totally as a brotherly, best friend kind of love, you know), but he's kind of obsessed with his hair. Like, it's scary.

And you dyed it pink.

Start running, blondie.

Love you lots,

Sakura

To: Pink_IsBadAss

From: thebestninja

Subject: You don't really think he's gonna kill me, right? Right?

It seemed like a good idea at the time! My mother had this leftover bottle of pink hair dye from back when she was going through her mid-life crisis and wanted to "look young and hip"…she got over it pretty fast. But anyways, there was Sasuke's shampoo bottle lookin all innocent and I just couldn't help myself!

Besides, it'll wash out in a few days anyways so everything will be fine again and we'll go back to being the Super Amazing Three Ninjas!

…Or was it permanent dye? I can't remember…

The coolest person ever,

Naruto

To: thebestninja

From: Pink_IsBadAss

Subject: Stop it with the ninja talk!

…It was permanent, wasn't it?

It's okay Naruto, I think you have a day left to live at least, so just try to enjoy it the best you can. Eat a lot of ramen!

Oh, speak of the devil, I just got a text from Sasuke!

…He says he's on his way over to your house…

Run, Naruto! Run for your life!

Love you lots,

Sakura

* * *

**To 555-3091: **Sakura, I'm on my way to Naruto's house and I'm going to need someone to help me get rid of the body…can you help?

**To 555-8420: **Haha oh Sasuke your sense of humor is weird but it's actually kind of funny sometimes! You should joke more often!

**To 555-3091:** …Who says I'm joking?

**To 555-8420: **…Sasuke, let's think this over a little bit. What are you going to get out of killing Naruto?

**To 555-3091: **Justice, revenge, satisfaction…what will I not get out of killing Naruto?

**To 555-8420:** I see your point. Well, I guess if there's nothing I can say to stop you…

**To 555-3091:** There isn't.

**To 555-8420: **-sighs- Well, go ahead then. Oh, and while you're there, can you get the pink bra Naruto stole from me? He says he didn't, but I know better.

**To 555-3091: **I'm not going to touch your bra, Sakura.

**To 555-3091:** Never mind, I guess I will.

* * *

**Sakura's Lair**

**Current mood: **Pensive

**Listening to: **Dancing Queen by Abba

**Location**: My couch

So I wonder if Sasuke's really going to kill Naruto.

He totally could, I guess. He took all those martial arts classes when he was younger and goes to the gym once a day, every day.

Naruto goes to the gym about once a month, so I'm thinking he doesn't really have a chance.

But if it came down to it, I think I'd rather have Sasuke here than Naruto. It's not that I like Sasuke in that way or anything, it's just that I think he would be much more intelligent conversation than Naruto would. Actually, I _know _Sasuke's more intelligent conversation.

And there's the fact that Naruto always makes me do all the work when we do group projects. Sasuke doesn't make me do all the work. He carefully divides the project into portions so that everyone can have an equal share.

So yeah. I would choose Sasuke over Naruto. Wow, it's a good thing they don't know I have a blog or I could get in a _lot_ of trouble—

Oh, someone's knocking at the door. I guess I better go answer it.

* * *

Hey Sakura, how are you doing?

-Naruto

Naruto, why are we writing notes to each other? Actually, better question, why are we under my bed?

-Sakura

Um, duh, so Sasuke can't find us. And you know he has that freaky supersonic hearing, so we have to do this or he'll know we're here.

-Naruto

Naruto, Sasuke doesn't even know where you are. What, do you think he's going to come to my house looking for you?

-Sakura

Sakura, you don't understand! Sasuke _knows_ stuff. It's weird. It's like he has a_ sixth sense_!

-Naruto

…You have way too big of an imagination. Sasuke does _not_ have a sixth sense. If he did, then there would be no point of hiding under here anyways.

-Sakura

Oh dammit, you're right! Well, it's time for Plan B. Go get your laptop, Sakura!

-Naruto

Why do I need my laptop?

-Sakura

* * *

**The Will of Naruto Uzumaki**

For the lovely Sakura, who let me hide under her bed as a last attempt to save myself, I give the books I have (When You Give a Mouse a Cookie, Where the Wild Things Are, and Dear John), the framed picture of us (and Sasuke) on my desk, and all of the money in my piggy bank (nineteen dollars and three cents).

For Hinata, my beautiful girlfriend, I give all of the ramen in my closet, my baby pictures (though technically those are my mother's), and my favorite orange swirly shirt so she can smell it and remember me.

For my parents I leave my room, though I guess that was theirs anyways.

And for Sasuke (the bastard that killed me), I leave the last of the pink hair dye, so he can touch up his roots when they start growing out. The directions are on the back!

This is the last will and testament of Naruto Uzumaki.

Wow, doesn't this look official Sakura? I think it looks pretty legit. No, don't try to speak out loud, here, use the computer to talk!

**Naruto, you idiot, you're not supposed to type extra stuff on the will.**

Nah, it's okay, I entered down like five spaces so it's still alr—what the hell was that sound?

…**It sounded like a door opening. Oh, it just closed. …Crap.**

What is it, Sakura? Please tell me it's your parents! I mean, we locked the door! I know we did!

**Yeah, except I just remembered Sasuke has a key…**

Sasuke has a key? Oh shit, we're doomed, we're doo—wait, why does Sasuke have a key and I don't?

**Naruto, this is **_**so**_** not the time to be thinking about that!**

No, I really want to know! I mean, do you like him better than I do? Do you _love_ him like that, Sak—

**Shut up, you idiot! I do **_**not**_** love him that way! He was just taking care of my cat while I went on vacation with my family, that's all!**

Oh, I guess that makes sense…fine, I'll forgive you, I suppose.

**Why the hell do I need your forgiveness? You are such an id—those are footsteps coming down the hall, Naruto. What are we gonna do?**

It's okay, Sakura, I'll protect you! He can't beat the ultimate ninja!

**Aww, that's so sweet Naruto—wait, **_**you're**_** the one he wants, so why am I scared? I should just leave you right now.**

No Sakura, you wouldn't do that to me, would you? Wait, where are you going? Oh my god, the door's opening, he's here, oh my god, oh my god, maybe he won't see—

fgjhdshjaskdlashd.

* * *

**Sakura's Lair**

**Current mood: **Shocked

**Listening to: **Silence

**Location**: In a corner in my room, cowering in fear.

Oh my god. Sasuke really did it. He killed Naruto. He dragged him out of my room, and then I heard some screams and the sounds of Sasuke hitting him. And then I heard his car starting and driving away, and I looked and they were both gone.

So I guess he went to go dump the body.

I don't really know what to feel, with Naruto gone and all. Numb? Empty? Sad? I just don't know…

Well, at least I get his money.

* * *

**thebeautifulINO: **So, I heard Naruto's dead. Did he leave me on his will?

**Pink_IsBadAss**: Well, it turns out he's not really dead. He called me not too long ago.

**thebeautifulINO: **…You didn't actually think Sasuke _killed_ him, did you?

**Pink_IsBadAss:** Ino, you weren't _there_. You don't _know_. The sounds, they were…_awful_.

**thebeautifulINO: **…Right. Okay. Anyways, I heard Hinata is nursing him back to health. What a wimp. All he has are a few cuts and bruises.

**Pink_IsBadAss:** Well, actually, he has a broken arm. And a sprained ankle.

**thebeautifulINO: **…Oh my god, the Uchiha is _crazy_. Jeez. But at the same time kinda hot…

**Pink_IsBadAss:** …

**thebeautifulINO: **Oh, shut up Sakura, you know you want him too.

**Pink_IsBadAss:** Okay, for one I didn't actually _say_ anything so you can't rightfully tell me to shut up, and two, I do not want him!

**thbeautifulINO: **Mmhmm, sure, keep lying to yourself. Don't worry about me though, I am madly in love with Shikamaru and I don't plan on pursuing the oh-so-dreamy Sasuke. He's all yours.

**Pink_IsBadAss: **Umm, he was never _mine_ in the first place! I don't even want him! So I wouldn't care even if you _did_ want him!

**thebeautifulINO:** Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, you know.

**Pink_IsBadAss:** That is _so_ overused and cliché.

**thebeautifulINO:** Well, you two kind of define cliché, so I guess it works!

**Pink_IsBadAss:** …Shut up.

* * *

**Sakura's Lair**

**Current mood: **Recovering

**Listening to: **Three Little Birds by Bob Marley

**Location**: In bed

So I can't sleep.

I don't know why, but I can't stop thinking about what I would do if Sasuke _had _killed Naruto.

…And okay, for a little while there, I thought he had. Well, maybe not really, but still. Sasuke's _scary_ when he's angry. I remember the time I accidentally ate his last cookie, and I swear his eyes turned _red_.

But Sasuke's weird about his cookies.

And I don't doubt that Sasuke _would _kill someone if he was angry enough. He could totally be a murderer. Or an assassin. Yeah. Sasuke would be a _great_ assassin.

But anyways, if Sasuke really did kill Naruto, I don't think I could be friends with him anymore. Because whenever I looked at him I would think of Naruto, and I would always be scared of him, and yada yada yada.

Actually, I'm kind of scared right now. I was just looking through my bag to get my retainer, and I realized there was a watermelon lollipop in there. I never put the lollipop in my bag.

But Sasuke loves watermelon lollipops, so it must have fallen into my bag when he drove me home from school today, and what is he going to do when he realizes it's not there? He's even weirder about his watermelon lollipops than he is his cookies!

He's going to realize it was me, of course, and then he's going to come and kill me. He's probably already in the mood after nearly killing Naruto…

I wonder how much longer I have left.

* * *

**Uchiha_Sasuke: **So I heard from Ino that you thought I actually killed Naruto for awhile.

**Pink_IsBadAss: **Oh heyyy Sasuke, how's it going? And Ino's a prostitute, so you can't trust her.

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** Um, okay.

**Uchiha_Sasuke: **But why would you think that I actually killed Naruto? You know I would never do anything like that.

**Pink_IsBadAss:** Yeah, well, about that…

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** What?

**Pink_IsBadAss:** I actually think you're really scary, so you never know.

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** I'm not scary, when have I ever been scary?

**Pink_IsBadAss: **Um, well where to start, there was of course Naruto just now, and then when you beat up Lee after he started stalking me, and then when I was dating Kiba you beat him up for no reason at all, and then there was that guy, Kabuto, who nearly died, and some more who's names I can't even remember.

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** …So are you…afraid of me?

**Pink_IsBadAss:** Um, yeah, kind of.

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** I see.

**Uchiha_Sasuke: **How about we go to visit Naruto in the hospital tomorrow and I bring him…flowers.

**Pink_IsBadAss: **Sasuke, are you trying to prove that you aren't scary?

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** …No.

**Pink_IsBadAss:** Aww, that's so cute! Well, alright, pick me up at 11 tomorrow and we'll go, that good?

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** Sure. And I guess we can go somewhere and eat food afterwards. Or something.

**Pink_IsBadAss:** Kay, sounds good! Good night!

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** Yeah, good night.

* * *

**Sakura's Lair**

**Current Mood:** Amazed?

**Listening to:** She is Love by Parachute

**Location:** Still in bed

So I just realized something.

Is me and Sasuke going to visit Naruto in the hospital tomorrow…a date? I mean, I know it's just going to the hospital, but he said he would pick me up at 11 tomorrow (well, I told him to and he said sure) and then he even said good night! And we're going to _eat food_ or something!

This kind of sounds like a date!

Even though I'm over him and everything (because all that was just a middle school crush, it didn't actually really _mean_ anything) this is actually kind of exciting.

Because, you know, he's unattainable and all. That's it. Every single girl has been vying for his attentions since practically kindergarten, and the girl he finally chooses to go out on a date with is me. How could I _not_ be excited?

But is it really a date?

* * *

So this is actually a two-shot. I usually don't do two-shots (I've actually _never_ done a two-shot) and I wasn't planning on this being one, but then I got close to the end and I figured out that I was going to have to do another chapter.

I'll try to get it up really soon (like within the next week) so you guys won't have to wait too long. And what'll make me put it up even _faster_ is if you guys review. So please review!


	2. Either way I'll break your heart someday

Notes: I'm sorry for all of the errors in this, because I didn't look over it. I still hope you enjoy it!

* * *

**Sakura's Lair**

**Current Mood:** Realistic

**Listening to:** All Hail the Heartbreaker by The Spill Canvas

**Location:** Getting ready for my NOT DATE

What was I thinking last night? I mean, seriously? Realistically speaking, going to visit Naruto in the hospital is in no way a date. C'mon. I thought I was smarter than that.

…But that doesn't mean I can't look cute, right? It's not pathetic that I got up at 6 in the morning, shaved my legs, and blow-dried my hair, right? And then spent an hour making sure that my make-up is perfect? And it's already 8:30 AM, and I still haven't found an outfit…

Okay. Fine. I admit it. I am a little bit pathetic.

…Okay, a _lot_. It's not like I'm in love with the guy or anything. He is _just a friend_. Just my incredibly hot, makes-my-heart-beat-really-really-fast, best friend. I shouldn't have to get all prettied up for him!

…You know what would make me look really hot? Black boots. I better go call Ino…

* * *

**Pink_IsBadAss:** Hey, so you know those really cute, black suede boots that you got from Nordstrom's last year? Yeah. I need them.

**thebeautifulINO: **Charlene and Mary-Anne?

**Pink_IsBadAss**: …Who are Charlene and Mary-Anne?

**thebeautifulINO: **Charlene's the left boot, and Mary-Anne's the right boot. Duh. God, Sakura, get a brain.

**Pink_IsBadAss:** …Uh-huh. ANYWAYS. Can I pretty please borrow them?

**thebeautifulINO:** No way. They're way too important to me.

**Pink_IsBadAss:** Even more important than me? Your best friend?

**thebeautifulINO:** Um, yeah. The hierarchy goes like this: my boots, my pink Betsey Johnson dress, my diamond studs, you, the rest of my wardrobe, and then that orange sweater my grandma got me for Christmas last year. So gross.

**Pink_IsBadAss:** Wow. Thanks.

**thebeautifulINO:** Anytime. Why do you need them, anyways?

**Pink_IsBadAss:** No reason. Well, I'm going to the hospital with Sasuke to visit Naruto, but that's not a big deal or anything.

**thebeautifulINO:** …It's a DATE?

**Pink_IsBadAss:** NO. I mean, I don't think so. We're probably going somewhere to eat after, but that doesn't mean anything. …Right?

**thebeautifulINO:** Sakura, oh my god. OH MY GOD.

**Pink_IsBadAss:** What?

**thebeautifulINO:** I think this is a date!

**Pink_IsBadAss:** Really? Are you sure? Cause, I mean, I was sort of thinking that, but—

**thebeautifulINO:** Sakura, shut up! This is so not the time! And forget about what I said earlier, you can totally borrow my black boots. And my pink Betsey Johnson dress. And my diamond studs.

**Pink_IsBadAss:** Ino, I'm going to the hospital, not the prom.

**thebeautifulINO:** Whatever. Same thing. But fine. I'll bring over some other fabulous clothes, don't you worry!

**Pink_IsBadAss:** I wasn't?

**thebeautifulINO:** Liar. Be over there in five!

* * *

**To 555-2325; 555-3319; 555-8906: **Hinata, Tenten, Ino, oh my god…Sasuke's hair is still pink…this is the funniest thing I've ever seen...

**To 555-3091: **Oh gosh. Sakura, I'm so sorry. Please forgive Naruto. As his girlfriend, I know it's my job to keep him in line, but…you know how he gets after he eats too much candy…

**To 555-3091:** Sasuke's hair is pink? Oh yeah, I remember Neji saying something about that. Shouldn't he have gotten it dyed back to black by now?

**To 555-3091:** HAHAHAHAHAHA

* * *

_Do you eat ramen every day? Is it your breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Do you carry packets of ramen around in your pocket in case you get hungry? Even if you don't do any of these things, do you just love ramen? Because, if you do, please join us at a citywide event called:_

_THE RAMEN FESTIVAL! _

_There will be ramen t-shirts, ramen plushies, ramen skits, and of course, there will be plenty of ramen to eat! A ramen-eating contest will happen at the end of the day!_

_You may have heard of the comic _The Ramenator. _The author of this esteemed comic, Masashi Kishiramen, is going to be there, signing copies of the comic! You can't miss it!_

_Please join us for THE RAMEN FESTIVAL on April 15, for fun, laughter, happiness, and above all, RAMEN!_

…Naruto, why did you thrust this ramen festival paper and a pen into my hands, and when I tried to speak, you shushed me, looked pointedly at Sasuke, and mouthed at me to write it down?

-Sakura

Because I didn't want Sasuke to hear us talking! He's busy watching some lame show on the Discovery Channel, though, so I don't think he will see us writing notes to each other.

-Naruto

…And why do you not want Sasuke to hear us?

-Sakura

Because it is _top secret_, Sakura, duh. By the way, you look super hot. Are those suede boots from Nordstrom's?

-Naruto

Thanks, Naruto! And yeah! How did you know they were from Nordstrom's?

-Sakura

Um, er, never mind that! Did I hear Sasuke say you two were going to EAT somewhere after this?

-Naruto

Um, yeah, but it's not what you were thinking at all. Definitely not a date or anything!

-Sakura

What are you talking about? I was just going to ask if you could bring me back a burger and fries. This hospital food is disgusting!

-Naruto

What? Oh, right. Yeah. Sure, I'll try to bring some food back for you.

-Sakura

Thanks Sakura-chan! But what were you saying about a date?

-Naruto

NOTHING! …I mean, um, when I said date, I was talking about the fruit! Of course that's what I meant!

-Sakura

Sakura. I'm not that stupid. I know there's no such thing as a fruit called a _date_! God, Sakura, I'm smarter than you think!

-Naruto

…You sure about that?

-Sakura

Wait, is you and Sasuke going out to eat after this a _date_? Are you serious? I'm going to kill the bastard! He can't take poor, sweet Sakura away from me!

-Naruto

Naruto, you're going out with Hinata. Remember?

-Sakura

Yeah, but that doesn't mean Sasuke can go out with you! You're still my best friend, and I'm not going to let you fall into the hands of someone as evil as Sasuke!

-Naruto

Naruto. Chill. It's not a date.

-Sakura

It isn't? Well, thank goodness then! …Sakura-chan, why do you suddenly look so sad?

-Naruto

I'm not sad! I just…I don't know. I'm having conflicting thoughts right now.

-Sakura

Sakura-chan, do you like Sasuke?

-Naruto

_Naruto_, Sasuke is _right over there_! What if he saw this?

-Sakura

He won't. I'll use my ninja skills to make sure he won't see it. Please, Sakura, tell me the truth?

-Naruto

-sigh- Fine. Okay. Yes, I like Sasuke! And I was kind of hoping this was a date, but Sasuke isn't acting like it is at all! I'm such an idiot.

-Sakura

You're not an idiot, Sakura-chan! Sasuke's the idiot! And, you know what? I think Sasuke might like you too!

-Naruto

Really, Naruto? Why would you think that?

-Sakura

Well, because—

-Naruto

What are you two doing? And why did you just rip the top half of this paper off really quickly?

-Sasuke

No reason at all Sasuke! (See Sakura-chan, I told you I'd use my ninja skills!)

-Naruto

What?

-Sasuke

Haha oh Naruto you kidder! Aren't you just _so_ funny. Ha. Anyways, can't we all start talking out loud now?

-Sakura

Yeah you're right! Since we aren't trying to hide anything from Sasuke anymore we can!

-Naruto

…What are you talking about?

-Sasuke

NOTHING OH LOOK AT THE TIME SASUKE IT'S TIME TO GO! BYE NARUTO IT WAS GREAT SEEING YOU HOPE YOU GET BETTER I'll DEFINITELY BE SEEING YOU LATER!

-Sakura

…Sakura, why do you look so scary right now? Oh god, I'm going to die again, aren't I?

-Naruto

* * *

**Sakura's Lair**

**Mood:** Tired

**Listening to:** Pretty Girl (The Way) by Sugarcult

**Location:** Who cares?

I'm having trouble seeing straight right now. I'm dizzy, and the computer screen keeps going in and out of focus.

I think my heart might be broken. Literally. It's never hurt this much before. Not even when Zeus the hamster died.

…He said this to me, while we were having lunch. We were just sitting in a comfortable silence, and I smiled at him, and he got this pained look on his face and said this:

"Sakura. You know I don't love you, right?"

Just like that. Out of the blue, with no warning. My breath caught in my throat, and I think my heart stopped beating for a second. I recovered, though, quickly, and smiled at him again. It was a different sort of smile, though. When he saw it, his face looked even more pained.

"I know, Sasuke," I said. And because I was tired of lying, I continued, "I love you, though, so that can't really be helped. Sorry."

He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated. "Don't apologize," he said.

"Sorry," I said softly, and we sat there for a few seconds in silence. The café was busy, and people were talking and laughing all around us. Then Sasuke suddenly got up, slapped some money on the table, and grabbed his coat. He moved towards the door.

As he was going past me, he stopped for a second, and in a voice that was strange to me, because it was rough and filled with something that might have been emotion, said, "I'm the one who should be apologizing. I'm so…sorry, Sakura." And then he left, and I was alone.

I was surprisingly composed after that. I even finished my food, then calmly got up and left. When I got home, I even studied and did my homework. My parents weren't home, and I turned off my phone, so I didn't have to say a word to anyone.

But I think it's alright to cry now. I was such a fool for hoping for anything from him. I don't know why I did.

I am such a fool.

* * *

**To 555-3091:** Sakura, so I went to a party tonight, and guess who was there? Shikamaru! And guess who kissed me? SHIKAMARU! I am so happy right now, it's unbelievable!

**To 555-3091:** Sakura?

**To 555-3091:** Sakura, helloooo, it's Ino here? Your best friend? You remember her? Why aren't you answering?

**To 555-3091:** Is your phone off or something? Cause you kind of need to turn it back on. BIG NEWS HERE.

**To 555-3091: **Okay, so it's morning already, and you still need to answer me!

**To ****555-8906:** Sorry, Ino. I had my phone turned off. And that's great. About Shikamaru and all. I'm so excited!

**To 555-3091:** I know! I'm so happy! But we can talk about that later. Sakura, it's 1 in the afternoon. Are you just getting up? You, who usually gets up no later than 9?

**To 555-8906:** Yeah. Sorry about that. I couldn't really sleep last night.

**To 555-3091:** Oh. Are you alright?

**To 555-8906:** Oh yeah, totally fine. I wasn't feeling very good, that's all.

**To 555-3091:** …Sakura, how did your date with Sasuke go?

**To 555-8906:** It wasn't a date. And nothing particular happened.

**To 555-3091:** Sakura, I need you to tell me the truth. What happened?

**To 555-8906:** I don't really want to talk about it. Or think about it. Thinking about it kind of makes me want to throw up, actually. …I think I might be sick.

**To 555-3091:** I'm going to be over there really soon, okay? I'm going to bring medicine and some tomato soup, so just hang on.

**To 555-8906:** …Okay. Thanks, Ino.

**To 555-3091:** If I didn't take care of you, who would? Be there in 15.

* * *

**thebestninja:** Hey guess, who's back home?

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** You?

**thebestninja: **Yeah! They let me out today!

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** Yay.

**thebestninja:** What's up with you? Jesus.

**thebestninja:** Oh, and by the way, Sakura's sick. Ino said she's been throwing up all day and has a fever and stuff.

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** Seriously? Is she alright?

**thebestninja: **Not really? I mean, she's sick and all. Why? Are you worried? -snickers-

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** NO. I mean, I couldn't care less, actually.

**thebestninja:** Well, you're allowed to care a _little_, you know. She is one of your best friends, after all!

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** Right.

**thebestninja:** And anyways, if she knew you were worried, I bet she'd be _really_ happy! Since, you know, she's in love with you and all!

**thebestninja:** DID I JUST SAY THAT? OH MY GOD! SASUKE, GET AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER _RIGHT NOW_! DON'T LOOK UP AND READ WHAT I JUST WROTE!

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** I've already read it, dumbass.

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** And I already knew, anyways. That she loved me.

**thebestninja: **You did? Really? Well, that's great! Now you can tell Sakura that you love her too and she can be really happy! But you better keep your hands off of her! I will not let you touch her, you bastard—

**Uchiha_Sasuke: **Naruto. I don't love her.

**thebestninja:** …You don't? But—but I thought…oh no. Sakura-chan's going to be so devastated…

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** I already told her that I didn't love her. At lunch, yesterday. It went okay. She even smiled after I told her and said that she already knew.

**thebestninja:** …You _what_?

**thebestninja:** Sasuke, I've forgiven you for being a bastard in the past, but…I am _really_ angry right now. I literally want to kill you.

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** What was I supposed to do? Lie and tell her that I love her? Or just not say anything? I was doing it for _her_ sake, you know. She has to get over this schoolgirl crush she has for me—

**thebestninja:** _Schoolgirl crush_? Don't you dare belittle Sakura-chan's feelings for you! She _loves_ you, goddammit!

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** Whether it's a crush or love, I don't care. She doesn't mean anything to me.

**thebestninja:** Doesn't mean anything to you, huh. Okay, that's it you motherfucker, I am going to fucking _kill you_—

**Uchiha_Sasuke:** Go ahead and try, idiot. I'll just put you in the hospital again.

_thebestninja has signed off._

_Uchiha_Sasuke has signed off._

* * *

"This is the voicemail box of Sasuke Uchiha. Feel free to leave a message, but if you are an idiot, I'm probably not going to listen to it. Even if you aren't an idiot, I probably won't listen to it. …Actually, don't even bother leaving a message at all. Really."

_(Tone)_

"SASUKE YOU BASTARD I'M ON MY WAY OVER TO YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW SO GET READY TO FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE! AND, YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND I DECIDED THAT YOU _DO_ LOVE SAKURA. YOU ARE JUST TOO MUCH OF A BASTARD TO REALIZE IT. YOU ALWAYS GET JEALOUS OF BOYS WHO ARE INTERESTED IN HER AND BEAT THEM UP AND THEN SAY YOU "JUST FELT LIKE IT." RIGHT. WELL YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE SASUKE, SO—"

_(Click)_

"This is the voicemail box of Sasuke Uchiha. Feel free to leave a message, but if you are an idiot, I'm probably not going to listen to it. Even if you aren't an idiot, I probably won't listen to it. …Actually, don't even bother leaving a message at all. Really."

_(Tone)_

"—SO JUST ADMIT YOU HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT HER ALREADY! YOU'RE ALWAYS LOOKING AT HER AND I'VE EVEN SEEN YOU _SMILE_ AT HER! YOU'RE JUST TOO STUBBORN TO ADMIT YOU'RE IN LOVE AND SO YOU ARE DOING WHAT YOU ALWAYS DO WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT SOMEONE. YOU ARE PUSHING HER AWAY AND—OW! Hinata? What are you doing here? And why did you just pinch me? Wait, don't take my phone away! I'm trying to give the bastard here a piece of my mind—"

_(Click)_

"This is the voicemail box of Sasuke Uchiha. Feel free to leave a message, but if you are an idiot, I'm probably not going to listen to it. Even if you aren't an idiot, I probably won't listen to it. …Actually, don't even bother leaving a message at all. Really."

_(Tone)_

"Hello, Sasuke-san? This is Hinata. I'm really sorry about Naruto-kun. I think he ate a whole package of sour gummy worms before he called you. Anyways, don't worry about him going over to your house to try to kill you, because I have, erm, detained him. Okay, good-bye!"

_(Click)_

"This is the voicemail box of Sasuke Uchiha. Feel free to leave a message, but if you are an idiot, I'm probably not going to listen to it. Even if you aren't an idiot, I probably won't listen to it. …Actually, don't even bother leaving a message at all. Really."

_(Tone)_

"Sasuke? This is Ino. I just wanted to tell you that YOU ARE A PIECE OF SHIT AND YOU SHOULD CRAWL INTO A HOLE AND DIE. Just wanted to tell you that!"

_(Click)_

"This is the voicemail box of Sasuke Uchiha. Feel free to leave a message, but if you are an idiot, I'm probably not going to listen to it. Even if you aren't an idiot, I probably won't listen to it. …Actually, don't even bother leaving a message at all. Really."

_(Tone)_

"-_heavy breathing_- Sasuke. –_more heavy breathing_- I love you _so much_. More than you'll ever know… "

_(Click)_

* * *

**Sasuke's Blog**

**Mood:** Apathetic

**Listening to:** Uprising by Muse

**Location:** My room

I don't even know why I have a phone. Only idiots and weird people call me. I probably should just throw it away.

…Whatever.

Naruto said something strange in his voicemail today. I don't even know why I bothered listening to it. He said, "You're just too stubborn to admit you're in love and so you are doing what you always do when you care about someone. You are pushing her away." Except he screamed it. I had to hold the phone about a foot away from my ear, and I could _still_ make out exactly what he was saying.

Normally, I would dismiss anything Naruto says as mindless babble, but…what he is saying actually makes a little bit of sense. I don't know. Maybe I'm catching whatever sickness Sakura has, and it's making my mind do strange things.

Somehow, though, I don't think that's it.

Sakura, while annoying, is quite a bit less annoying than most other girls I know. Like her friend Ino, for instance. Now _she_ is annoying.

And I wouldn't go as far as to say that I am jealous, but seeing her with other guys does…irritate me. But it irritates Naruto also, and that is because he loves Sakura in the platonic way. Do I just love her in the platonic way?

…This is much too confusing. Why is Naruto pushing me on this subject? I mean, I know he cares about Sakura, but…what if I'm not sure how I feel about her?

There. Fine. I admit it. _I don't know_.

* * *

_These flowers are sent to __Sakura Haruno__ by __Sasuke Uchiha__ from the Yamanaka Flower Shop. _

_If you wish, write a note in the space provided below:_

Sakura, I know that sending flowers is lame, but…it was Naruto's idea. Which is not really an excuse, I know.

I hope you get better. I don't know how ill you are, but when I talked to Ino (she was working at the flower shop when I went there), she made it sound like you were pretty sick. In fact, she made it sound like you were dying. I hope that's not the case.

It's cowardly of me to apologize to you in a note, I know, but I knew that if I tried to do it in person, I would probably say something stupid. And mean. I've never been good at talking to people.

Which you probably know.

The other day, when I said I didn't love you, I was kind of…confused. I'm sorry if I hurt you. Ino made it sound like you "didn't give a damn" about what I thought of you, but I think she was lying.

Here's the truth: I don't know if I love you. I know that I have feelings for you, but love…I don't know much about that. I don't know what it feels like to be in love. I've never been in love with anyone before. I've never even _liked_ anyone before, in that way.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I want you to wait a little while for me. That's a selfish request, I know, but I just need some time to figure things out. …But I think that if I was ever to fall in love with anyone, it would be you. I've always thought that you were extraordinary.

-Sasuke

P.S. I didn't get a chance to tell you the other day at lunch, because, as Naruto put it, I was "too busy being an ass," but you looked very beautiful.

* * *

**Sakura's Lair**

**Current Mood:** Alright

**Listening to:** Boston by Augustana

**Location:** On my roof, turns out it's nice up here

So I'm alright. Not amazing, not sad, but hopeful. And I'm alright with that.

Sasuke sent me flowers. Pink orchids. They are really pretty. I put them in a vase, and then I brought them up to the roof with me. They're sitting beside me right now.

I think I'm proud of Sasuke. He admitted that he didn't know something, which is a first. Things are probably going to change between us, and I'm glad. Maybe I can start being honest with everyone. Maybe I can start being honest with _myself_. That's definitely a plus.

Ino's a good friend. So is Naruto. I heard from Hinata that he almost got beat up again by Sasuke (because who are we kidding? Sasuke could probably beat Naruto no matter how mad Naruto was…though I suppose I might be underestimating Naruto), because he was so mad about what Sasuke said. And if that isn't friendship, I don't know what is.

Through all of this, I've realized something. Even if we do end up together, Sasuke and I are probably never going to perfect. Sasuke will have trouble understanding me, and I will expect too much from him. But he and I would be happy, I think, because Sasuke would try hard. He's trying hard right now, just for me.

And that, unbelievably, is enough.

* * *

Yay! I actually finished this! I'm proud of myself. I hope you liked it, because I liked writing it. It was humor and angst all strung up into one story, which is definitely my favorite combination. Please tell me what you thought about it.

And on another note, Augustana is a really amazing band. I especially love the song "Boston". You should listen to them.


End file.
